At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
and she was petting her beer can
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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