Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
