My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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