i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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