i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
