Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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