Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
