so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
