Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
