I'm gonna have a badass scar
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
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he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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