Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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