Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
