i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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