You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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