Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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