For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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