Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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