another moral hangover. fuck.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
