At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
