how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
