I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I am naked and annoyed.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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