So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
