u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
only you would photoshop your dick
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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