if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
