I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
