you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
