Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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