I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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