I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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