Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
