A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
