Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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