Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
