Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
