is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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