Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
