Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
