dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I have already put on my inside pants.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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