dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
