p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
