Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
