Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My orgasm happened in two different decades
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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