cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
