Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
