Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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