I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
