You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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