Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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