Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
