let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My balls are so social today.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
