You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
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So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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