I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
