my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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