btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize
