Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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