I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I enjoy the company of your penis
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
