seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
