pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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