Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
