What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
