It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There's always time for handjobs
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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