Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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