i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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