I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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