Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
