I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
