yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
