the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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