why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
