dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
