omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
