Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
