it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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