Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
