it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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