i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
