If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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